Friend Date

Last week I was speaking with a friend of mine who recently moved her life to Vancouver for a few years because she's got a great job with the Vancouver Olympics. We have both been finding that making friends once you're out of university is more difficult than expected. From the toddler years through to high school my friends were usually determined by proximity. Who were the children of my mom's friends? Who did I sit the closest to in fourth grade? Who was in my drama class and in choir (to maximize friendship "hang" time)? Once university hit it was even simpler. Who in residence didn't mind if I plunked myself down on their bed and proceeded to complain for an hour about my History of the English Language class? Who wanted to order pizza at 4 am? Potential friends were everywhere and it was really a matter of picking and choosing. Please note: I'm not saying I'm "Mrs. Popular" here; this is more a description of the general experience of most extroverts that I know.

Now that I'm no longer in school and not to mention, living in a foreign country, friends are harder to come by. I have little in common with the Chinese teachers that I work with and most people at yoga do not speak English (or speak to the foreign girls in general...). So I was talking to my friend in Vancouver about all of this and she said that she had felt the same way after her big move to a new city. She had decided to look on craigslist.com under the personals for friends. She said there were tons of ads from people looking for platonic friendships. This struck me as odd at first; I mean, this girl is probably the most friendly, social and out-there friend I have! Why would she have to answer friend advertisements? I also couldn't believe that there were friend advertisements to begin with!

I mentioned this to Kate to see what she thought. We were both quite skeptical of the idea of advertising for friends. I mean, doesn't that make you desperate or even just a big, fat loser? But as the idea marinated in our heads a bit longer, we both began to come around. Realizing that there were few other options for making friends here. There are some clubs to join, but very few. Our jobs are not changing any time soon. It seems that in the real world you don't meet as many new faces everyday! (I bet some of you are saying, "duhhhh," haha). While Kate and I have not placed a friend ad thus far, I no longer discount it as an option. In fact, I've even begun to navigate through some ads, seeing what the pickings are like here in Taipei (unfortunately, quite slim!).

I also now find myself wondering what the next step would be like. Perhaps I see a potential friend, someone with similar interests and genuine motivations for friendship... what will I do? Send them an email and ask them out on a "friend date"? This causes me to chuckle, though it makes perfect sense. I would sure like to screen someone before I commit to going on a day-long hike with them, or something else of that nature. So, a Starbucks friend date it is. I'd have to ask the necessary questions: "What types of books do you read?", "What types of activities do you enjoy?", "Do you like cookies?" (question number 3 is perhaps the most important). Maybe I should ask three separate people out on the same friend date, line them up on stools and blindfold myself. This way it can be like a dating show! I won't judge based on appearance and all three of them can compete for my friendship! ... I guess I'm getting a little carried away.

I have made one step in the friend department as of late. I had noted to Kate that one of the staff at the yoga studio, Veronica, seems very cool. She even passed one of the hardest tests: Laura's random outburst of crying! haha (For those of you who don't know, when I am filled with emotion I can't hold back tears based on who's around me). I had just finished an emotionally-draining yoga class, one that had challenged my mind/thoughts more than my body (yoga opens up many avenues to emotion that we may not have known existed within us!) and Veronica happened to be standing in the shower que behind me. She asked me how I was doing and I suddenly burst into tears and started droning on about how much I miss my mother (here's where you laugh). She did nothing but lend me a compassionate ear and gave an empathetic smile, perfect friend protocol.

Back to my story, Katelynn agreed that Veronica showed great promise as a new friend for us both. Although we really do enjoy talking to each other about deep topics and important world issues (especially ones that arise from all the books we are reading here in Taiwan), Kate and I have started to yearn for a larger friend circle, one that introduces us to new things but also keeps us grounded in the things we love and enjoy (like yoga, health, food!). So today after morning class I found myself in a conversation that went something like this:

Veronica: "Hi Laura, how are you today!?" (she works there, she has to say stuff like this.. haha)
Me: "Great! I wish it would stop raining though!"
Veronica: "Yeah, maybe tomorrow"
Me: "Hey, I've been meaning to ask you ... erm... would you like to go out sometime? ... umm, like for coffee or something?" (please remember, I've never asked anyone out on a date, let alone someone for a friend date!)
Veronica: "uhhh, okay" (clearly wasn't expecting to be asked out, haha)
Me: (trying to figure out how to clearly state it was a friend date) "Well, 'cause, you know... Kate and I are looking for some friends and you are really cool" (now I feel like I'm in second grade)
Veronica: "Oh, cool! Okay, well I'm off on Saturday! How about dinner?" (YAY!)
Me: "Sounds great!"

Then Veronica gave Kate (who had joined us) and I a big hug! Success! a friend-date it is! I have high hopes for this new friendship. I also feel like I'm back in the primary grades of elementary school when friendship usually began with a note that bore the words: "Will you be my best friend? Circle one: Yes or No"