"Chinglish" & other observations: Part 1

Chinglish (also: chingrish) is a portmanteau of the words Chinese and English and refers to spoken or written English which is influenced by Chinese.

Wikipedia bundles it up quite nicely here; however, my own personal experience of Chinglish is a little more complicated and a lot more hilarious. I've been compiling a list of Chinglish and other observations over the past 6 months so that I could write this blog entry, so here goes:

Laura's Biased and Fragmentary Chinglish Dictionary

... from my students

"Teacher, he used me"
Translation: Teacher, he hit me. Apparently, in Chinese the word for "used" also means "hit." I didn't know this for a long time and you can imagine my confusion...

"Teacher, I have use?"
Oh, that word again... Translation: Teacher, can I use this (eraser/pencil sharpener/etc...). Though, it could also mean: Teacher, can I turn on the air conditioner/turn on the lights/take down the chairs/etc... Don't ask me why... I just learned with time

"Teacher, you KNOW?" (with a lot of stress on "know")
Translation: Teacher, do you understand (what this means/what I'm saying/basically anything...)
Related story: My students were chatting in Chinese after class one day and I overhead one boy say a Chinese phrase meaning: "I don't understand." I looked at him and said sternly, "what don't you understand?" All the students then stared at me with open mouths and said, "Teacher, you KNOW?!" (This of course, would mean to them that I had always understood their Chinese discussions when they had believed I was ignorant of the language; which, of course I am!) It's fun to mess with the students sometimes.

"Teacher, my writing/coloring so beautiful!!" (said by male students)
I find this one hilarious. "Beautiful" is one of those words that my students learn very early on in their English studies, mostly because its a culture so obsessed with "cute" and "beautiful" things. Unfortunately, the words gets over-applied and suddenly, everything that is not hideous becomes "beautiful." It just cracks me up to hear 6 year old boys arguing about who has better handwriting: "My writing so beautiful!" "NO! Cookoo! My writing so beautiful!" "Teacher, my writing so beautiful, right?!" (they also love to call each other "cookoo"... so much so that I had to ban it as a bad word in my class!)

... from a Chinese co-worker

I was leaving work one day when a co-worker stopped me and handed me an envelope saying, "this came from your Lord." I looked at the envelope which was covered in Chinese characters and thought to myself, "God, if you're going to write to me... why would you do it in Chinese?!" I brought the envelope home with me and after a futile attempt at trying to decode it's contents I finally realized what it was: the electric bill from my landlord!

... a series of emails from a modeling agency that I was auditionning for

Hi Laura
Receives your mail to be very happy
My English not been good.
Please do not mind.
Ask that you will speak Chinese?
I want approximately the time to try on clothes with you
This week may give me a time?

Wishes you Happy New Year

Dear Laura

Your facial features are very suitable we the catalog flavor
So we hoped that has a look at you with own eyes
Tries on clothes to have a look
We approximately in Saturday 10:00
My company address FL. 10, NO. 42, SEC. 1, CHENDE ROAD, TAIPEI, 103, TAIWAN
Thank you so much

Dear Laura

This photography time approximately 8hours The payment is NT$6,000.
Did not understand the place may Saturday explain
The anticipation sees you

I don't think these require any explanation.

A Few More Observations

• Taiwan is littered with "squat" toilets (toilets that are just a hole in the ground over which you must squat and carefully aim in order to do your business cleanly and efficiently... though this rarely turns out well...) I guess many women have become accustomed to squatting while they pee and so they find it difficult to manoevre around a Western-style upright toilet... I say this because more often than not in public washrooms, a Western-style toilet will contain shoeprints on it's toilet seat!
• The differences that one notices in gift-giving can serve as a very clear window into the culture of the gift-giver. This year at Christmas, the teachers at my school had a small gift exchange. The amount spent could not exceed 300NTD (about 10CDN) and had to be useful. I gave a martini shaker. From a Chinese teacher, I received toilet paper. The British teacher that I work with gave pickled eggs. You may draw your own conclusions.
  
• I have deduced that THE UMBRELLA is to the Taiwanese as duct tape is to Westerners. Here is a non-exhaustive list of uses for the umbrella that I have learned in Taiwan:

1. protection from the rain
2. protection from the sun
3. protection on an overcast day when there is nothing to seek protection from
4. a cane to aid walking
5. a weapon to swing at cars when they drive too close to you
6. an instrument to prop open a door
7. a vehicle on which to express your inner personality (there IS umbrella bling)
8. an axle; when placed between two wheels it creates a vehicle
9. just use your imagination... and I'm sure I've seen it done!

I'm dying to write more, but this entry is already long enough! I will have to name this entry "Part 1" and follow it up with many more. However, the longer I live here, the more "normal" things become to me and I find myself trying to remember how we would do it back home! So here's an appeal: to anyone that would like to come visit Taiwan, you are very welcome!! I need your fresh perspective on this crazy island!

... and now for some unrelated pictures

We went to a lantern festival in Pingxi and sent a lantern up into the sky (I know... extremely bad for the environment, but awesomely traditional!) We chose a green lantern to represent good health. I wrote the names of my family on it, along with good intentions and song lyrics.

Up, Up and Away! (all of the dots are either other lanterns in the sky or rain drops)
This evening was chaos... you can imagine how dangerous this already seems... Just add in millions of people, millions of umbrellas, and electrical wires littering the streets (many lanterns would catch on electrical wires and catch fire... naturally we would all run for cover!)

Pretty awesome photo!! (if I do say so myself) This is a view of the street from our viewing-point